Well friends, it’s been a minute since a blog post.

I went through an internal “deep cleaning” if you will and wasn’t sure if I even wanted to be writing anymore. To be frank, the world has changed and as it is speeding up I have to recognize that not everyone in my audience wants or is willing to make the time to sit down and read a blog post.

As I was sitting with myself through the most cringey and uncomfortable parts of my growth, I’ve realized maybe not wanting to write anymore was less about the audience and more about my unwillingness to invest in my writing.

DAMN. OKAY.

Maybe writing isn’t your thing but I know you have a “thing” that you enjoy doing and want to share with others and simply do not do so because (insert excuse here).

And well if that hasn’t been the overarching theme during this month then idk what is.

Last month the lesson seemed to be about recognizing our value and this month it has been understanding why even when we recognize our value we still don’t invest in ourselves, don’t take action because we’re expecting to be shamed for stepping out with the audacity of believing in ourselves.

*gasp*

One of my deepest wounds was the last time I got on stage in fifth grade to sing at the talent show. I had been sick in the days prior and I tried to back out but the teacher in charge of the show told me I couldn’t. While I had rehearsed multiple, multiple times (singing “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion as I was OBSESSED with Titanic at the time) my throat was still sore and to say I my performance was pitchy would be an understatement. While I did my best, upon returning to the classroom my classmates made eyes at each other, smirking and laughing, I felt humiliated. To make matters worse, my dad actually came to this talent show only to ridicule me at home, my passion for singing was put out in one day.

My point in sharing this being that as an adult now I can accept that my purpose was not to be a singer and that is ok, I can still enjoy singing as I please because I don’t have to think about anyone judging my ability.

As we move through our healing, mustering up all of the courage possible to present our creative babies to the world we no doubt will feel that fear come up again and we have to ask ourselves “will I invest in the fear or will I invest in myself?” The saying “it doesn’t get easier we get stronger” is probably not what we want to hear but nevertheless rings true. We have to become the brave guardian angel that our inner children needed in those moments in which we were first wounded, wrapping ourselves in courage and above all faith that the projections cannot truly hurt us unless we believe them to be our truth.

And so I suppose what I am getting at here today is that we need to have some AUDACITY.

Audacity to be:

human.

the main character.

happy.

invested.

constant.

growing.

able.

the hero.

I know for me I am striving every day to have the audacity to be many roles at once and believe that I can be them all well because above all I remember that I am love.

I heard a quote today that said “Passion is anger and love combined” and when I say I was shook I really mean I was instantly liberated.

I remembered that I am love but I have tried for so many years to pretend like I’m not angry. I am angry that I was born into a family who swept their pain under the rug so many years that it has harmed every first born NEARLY irreparably, I feel angry that I feel like I cannot heal enough so as to ensure that my children don’t feel that pain, the list goes on, I FEEL ANGRY.

But you know what? I am not the first one in my lineage to have felt that anger but I will be the first one who decides  not to bottle that anger up anymore but instead gets to know it and transmute it into gold.

Right here in this moment I claim this anger and I also claim the wealth that will benefit the generations that have been born through me.

That is my passion, healing, alchemy, self-fulfillment through JOY, teaching, writing, speaking and whatever else I choose to express myself through.

This blog post is dedicated to you my friend, the one who tries to pretend like you aren’t angry, the one who still has beautiful parts of themselves buried under shame, let yourself RISE. You keep telling yourself that you are broken and in that belief continue to invest in everyone else around you, watering them and refusing to water yourself thinking that you are infertile soil when the truth is myself & the universe around you has been giving you sign after sign that YOU NEED WATER (literally and figuratively!).

Are you afraid of what will grow?

I woke up to the sound of Daisy barking in her kennel, ok spirit, I hear you time to let you out into the world.

We’re now coming into that time of the year in which the sun doesn’t rise until 6:30am which although on one side makes it a little more challenging to get out of bed when you’re nice and warm in the comforter but on another side is added bliss felt in the darkness of quiet in a home where love hasn’t yet awakened but soon will.

This week I have applied myself to observing HOW I express myself as a walking miracle and today in particular I wanted to make this day an altar to myself filled with offerings of nourishment, cleansing and a little bit of retail therapy.

It’s a little after noon and I just finished eating my second favorites chilaquiles (first being my mom’s) at Fido in Nashville.

My body has been heard, nourished accordingly and am now making space to express my creativity and let spirit work through my hands.  Just before this, I spent two hours at my favorite place in Nashville, Pure Sweat for a Float and Sauna. This part of my self-care is nothing new, no sense in re-inventing that part of the wheel because it always works for me.

If you’ve been following here for any duration of time you might know that I have three children that I homeschool and being a Virgo, quiet, alone time is my most important love language. If I am ever feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and snippy its either because I’ve had too much coffee and haven’t eaten or because I haven’t had a day to myself.

Well today is my day to myself and I have decided to show up like I am on a date with someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with and while I may be a little boujee more than any thing I find the greatest luxury to be a solid intention paired with follow-through.

I have this precious life and I intend to use it to express myself as art through all of my roles, gifts and energy.

I am sitting in front of a window, the clink and clatter of silver and dishes, conversations people are having with their company and outside all kinds of people coming and going. Nashville sure does love to bring their dogs with them everywhere.

I’m kind of having one of those moments where you feel like timelines have merged..in another life I would’ve been doing the same thing I’m doing right now. I sure am glad that when I feel satisfied with the time I’ve spent alone with myself I can go home to my family and all of the crazy animals.

Often I think to myself that I am living proof that we really can have it all. I don’t mean that just materialistically either, I mean we can have rock bottoms and pure, blissful highs too. At my lowest points in my life I could have never imagined I would be where I am right now, and yet here I sit, free to be.

So what inspires us to take the action necessary to get from the bottom to the top (that’s some wet, that’s some wet. Ok ok I had to!)?

Sometimes it’s our wounds, sometimes it’s our gratitude and joy.

While I would much rather move from a space of gratitude and joy because frankly it just feels good, I have to acknowledge the value in the ability of our wounds to propel us ‘anywhere but here.’ That approach may very well bring us another turn in the same cycle except with a different environment or person but even so, eventually the pattern will be recognized and we’ll either choose insanity or healing.

What about that kind of uncertainty makes us believe that we are safe?

What is it about consciously creating how we will act and show up in the world makes us feel uncertain? It tests our self-confidence, faith and even when we know what must be done we feel “stuck?”

Yet, when things are ‘bad’ we are quick to act because we know we must.

Sometimes I feel like the world of healing and self-care has become a comfortable space to “get stuck” in rather than a means to inspire self-confidence and faith in our actions. I’ve been in that space and its boring.

My spirit more than ever has been getting louder about how much it wants to move and while I’m in that movement and flow its AMAZING but getting started? Not so much.

I believe this is where it mirrors how I help guide others in their own journeys, the image just came of me of a parent gently holding their on hand on the back of their child as they are learning to ride their bike. I think that is a very fair description of what it is like to do what I do, providing the strength, trust, affirmation needed to sustain the fire within that inspires those legs to keep moving until the cycling becomes muscle memory. I know my hand won’t be needed there forever but I enjoy fulfilling the need while I am called upon to do so.

Today, I ask you what metaphorical bike are you learning to ride at this time in your life friend? It is learning how to be a self-healer? Learning how to listen to and apply your inner voice? How can I show up as a gentle hand, friend and guide to assist you as you wobble, feel nervous, then excited as you build confidence on this part of your journey?

I aspire to inspire and just now the sun decided to shine on me through the window and its now time for me continue on creating this day as an altar to the person I was created to be and ultimately am.

I hope wherever you are today and whatever mindset you are in that you dedicate some time and space to yourself.

Should you feel called to work together please reach out, start a conversation with the awareness that I am only a mirror and we have a lot we can learn together.

My love to you. Live a life you feel good about. DD

This week I centered my focus around a quote I read in the book Blowing My Way To The Top by Jen Atkin given to me by my dear friend Kellyhope when we both knew that I was on the verge of hitting a new level and this level was going to pull a part of myself I had never embodied before.

“Get out of the way of a woman who has stepped her shit all the way up. “

This quote resonating with me not from the perspective that there is anyone on the outside that is in my way, but as many of us, the ways in which I get in my own damn way.

How many times have you decided to make a change in your life and boom, a part of you slides in like an overly confident and persistent guy at a bar when you’re just trying to have a good time with your girls?

Or maybe you find yourself making great strides, looking like a model on the catwalk and the next thing you know your heel gives out and down you go.

I’ve been there, we’ve all been there.

Almost always, its something in our subconscious that gets triggered by this unknown, confident and goal oriented energy and its decided to take you three steps back because, well, FEAR.

Now I’ve played this game with myself more times than I could possibly count. I know my triggers and I know the signs that my body sends out as messengers. ALERT! ALERT! Success is inevitable and we’re stuck in this old frame of thinking! ABORT MISSION!

Bless your heart my sweet ego, I know why you try so hard to protect me but your truth is not my truth and therefore your trigger has just given away not only your position but also your belief.

Shadow work doesn’t have to be this big, scary, “my life might fall apart” kind of thing. It can absolutely be a “falling together” kind fo thing IF you decide to take the drivers seat and choose to keep going even if you get a flat along the way.

Let’s roll with this new metaphor because shadow work, like our lives is a journey and on this journey “flat tires” are bound to happen, it does not mean that we shouldn’t still be excited and focused on where we are going. The thing is that we might start and stop this journey many times, maybe even give up and go back home only to hear the calling again and once more decide to pack up what we’ve learned and head out once more.

My point here it that, its going to be a cycle within cycles and you are the only one who gets to continue to choose the perspective and narrative from which your story is told.

SO GET YOUR NEGATIVITY OUT OF THE WAY BY ADDRESSING IT.

The power is all held when we acknowledge what these blocks are made of, what creates them, triggers them and what eases them?

If you have decided that you are going to turn your expression in this life all of the way up the only one who can or will stop you is you.

This is why it is said that the most important connection is within yourself, you have to be solid so that the connections you have with others and the goals you have are all rooted in the integrity of the relationship you have fostered within.

Be kind to yourself through this process my friends and don’t expect to get it down on the first try.

BE CURIOUS about yourself would be my #1 piece of advice because taking this childlike wonder in approach your behavior centers your heart in unconditional love free of judgement and unhelpful criticism.

In my own cycle and in my week applying this quote to my life, I felt myself being quick to identify an excuse when it came up. Taking the excuse and going one step further to ask, what does this need from me right now to feel safe enough to keep going?

I thought myself, “how do I get out of my own way?” Well for starters, my body needs to be healthy, so vitamins were first up before coffee and right next to my quiet time. Mind and body, check.

Can this be reduced down to a checklist? If checklists are your thing, then the answer in short is yes.

I will leave you today with one question, how do you best accomplish your daily needs and to-dos?

Some people have practiced the “spoons” method, being that lets say five spoons are all we have energy to do in one day then that is enough.

We are goal oriented beings, make space for yourself in your daily goals, make an intention to yourself to stick to them and sit back to observe yourself as to how and why they do or do not get done.

A small step now and daily is a journey in the long run.

I began this week by proposing a theme or a new belief to my followers through my Instagram stories. I said “what if we took this belief that “no one cares” and flipped it to “no one cares!”.”

How could this liberate us from the weight of feeling like who we are and what we do is seemingly insignificant and turning it into a freedom to be and release our creativity without any judgment?

Quite a few said they were in and yet by the end of the week…*crickets.* Which tells me a few things, as a community we need support from the conception of a new belief, in the follow through and in its full realization.

It also begs the question, why is it easier to slump into a pit, into the belief that we are insignificant in our pain, sadness or hopes and dreams than it is to believe that we are cared about and who we are at our core matters and is of great value?

When we talk about the biggest work being internal, this is what we’re talking about.

It’s recognizing that “hey, I’ve been in a long standing pattern of giving up on myself, doubting or failing to believe in myself and its challenging to pull myself out of that pattern.”

That little moment of recognition is what I like to call “the spark,” it is the space in which a miracle is born or where your divinity awakens and says “its time to shine!”

Everything that follows that spark is what is referred to as “the work.”

And that is awakening my friends, we RISE from this illusion, these cycles that keep us in a slump and we begin to put into practice new beliefs, new habits and a new perspective for our lives.

You know what they say PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, well I had a P.E. teacher in junior high that say its actually “PERFECT PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT” meaning that its not enough to say you’re trying, you have to do your best.

You have to wake up every day with a heart full of appreciation for the art of living and decide that you are going to make your life a fucking masterpiece.

Maybe you’re living a life where you don’t feel inspired to wake up with that kind of energy, accept it. That may be the hardest step because, it also brings us face to face with all of the ways in which we deceive ourselves to believe that we happy when inside we feel unfulfilled, uninspired and BORED.

As with all things, I believe that very place to be one of the most fertile when it comes to manifesting, growing and developing ourselves.

If you have followed me for any amount of time you might know that my story was one of depression, anxiety, PTSD and suicide attempts. If I met who I am now back then, I wouldn’t recognize myself. And yet, here I am.

I don’t believe there is any transformation that to be impossible. I believe we all have our own unique energetic signatures and there is always a way to get through to ourselves and create the life we dream of into reality. Again, that transformation begins within.

It is the kind of work that no one is going to care or maybe even know that you are doing, and it must be done anyway because your life depends on it.

So let’s do a self-assessment. We know the kind of internal work that needs to be done is going to require more than an aesthetic morning routine and journaling. Changing our frame of mind and behaviors is deeper than what we see its in the WHY.

I will leave you this week with a homework assignment friends, if you’re serious about giving a shit about the masterpiece of your life and aren’t willing to continue to let the past make a mess of your canvas.

Get clear about WHY deserve to live your dream life and from there let’s work backwards. This is one of the techniques I use in my soul coaching practice. WHAT does your dream life look like? HOW do you feel existing in it?

Then backtrack from there. If you’re someone who considers themselves to be an over-thinker or critical of oneself then let that serve as a net that will catch all of the thoughts, memories and beliefs that do NOT align with the above mentioned vision for your life. Thoughts are constantly flowing in like a little conveyor belt, sort out the ones that don’t serve this higher purpose for your life.

How did this thought get here? Is this my voice? If it was not sent from a source of unconditional love then into the fire they go.

Again my friends, this is the kind of work that you have to want to do for yourself.

It is my hope that in developing a practice such as this that you will keep rising each day to see how lovely you are.

That is all for today. If you’re in for this call to action then by all means please reach out if I can be of service to you. Send an email or a DM and if you need some help getting into some deep roots I have availability for 1:1 Soul Coaching.

Keep choosing your integrity!

Well how cool is it to be celebrating ONE year with the blog!?

I remember wanting to start a blog back in early 2011 and to be here now is pretty incredible.

I pulled my daily card  from the Super Attractor deck and it reads “When I truly surrender my desires to the universe a mighty force of faith can set in.” Perhaps, this is the theme of todays blog.

Surrender.

How many beautiful days has our Divine Creator called on us to awaken and we proceed about our day as if our dreams are impossible? We function but do we flourish?

The blog was a dream of mine but beyond writing it has helped me organize my thoughts, emotions and pushed me to create, to be fluid in the language of my life and soul.

And you know what I find so beautiful about this past year? All of the ways in which I have failed at blogging. All of those failures now serve as richness in my garden from which I know I have room to grow and improve myself.

I am not at all the same person who began this blog last year but I am incredibly grateful for that version of myself because all I really needed was for her to plant the seed.

Too often do we allow failing to crush our voices, dampen our confidence and suppress our ability to create. Maybe, it is the perspective we have of failing that needs to be adjusted in order to surrender and have faith in the creation of our lives.

A blog, seemingly small but what can grow from this through my love, consistency and attention?

Since this blog began and honestly in the weeks leading to its launch it has forced me to push out all of the thoughts, behaviors and excuses that couldn’t align with the vision I have for this space and the sister projects like the vlog.

It has been a journey of making time when I felt like I was taking time away from my family. I have had to not only get comfortable in front of the camera but to love the person I was capturing, to see beauty in myself.

Honestly, that has been an overarching theme in my whole life at the moment. Am I still beautiful? Have I ever been and what exactly makes someone beautiful?

How do we grow into someone who is confident with their energy in a world in which not only do we have to cultivate that confidence on our own but without anyone to validate it for us or teach us how to hold it?

Going further, any creative journey asks that we release ourselves from blame, whether it is blaming others, our wounds, or ourselves.

It takes self-discipline, action, powered by passion to guide us as we return to our core remembering that whatever it is that we dream of as being possible.

This space once felt like something nice to dream about but I never took any action in creating it, always putting it off into the future until the day that said future arrived but not a moment before I finally decided I’m going to do it and I need help.

My mother says that I was born nine days “late” (back when due dates where still a thing), but I would like to create a new story one in which I arrive on time, prepared, peaceful and PRESENT.

I want to extend my appreciation to each of you that takes a moment of your day to meet me here and read my words. Thank you for being present as I celebrate myself, failures, successes and all of the life lived in between!

I hope that this will serve as a small but mighty reminder for you to have faith in yourself and whatever it is that you are still dreaming about.

I love you!