What do I do with my hands?

We as a community speak a lot about freeing ourselves from seeking validation from our peers and yet with so much of our communication with the world existing within social media, how does one find a balance between validation and resonance with our fellow human beings?

In my pre-teen years I wanted nothing more than to be accepted, to be a friend, to be a part of a group that I could grow up alongside. Looking back I see that many of my life lessons were meant for me to walk through alone and unguided, I feel safe within those memories now. A lot of my healing has been around the perspectives and beliefs I held not only about myself but about the people that I grew up around but never with. I still see myself as a bit of a rebel although now with much less of the attitude that because the crowd is going one way I must reject that and go another because “I don’t belong.” Embracing my free will I now choose to look at my options and then decide what will be for my greatest good rather than which direction I could be the safest and unseen.

The desire to be seen has really struck up my curiosity and therefore my creativity, considering the lengths that we will go to or have gone through in order to be seen, although almost always conditionally. It has really brought me to this space of awareness with myself, how do I permit myself to be seen in only a light in which I am more likely to be perceived as “good” or “helpful?”

This is a cycle in which at the present moment am getting closer and closer to the root of this conditional love for myself. I have done the work to identify this pattern within friendships and relationships but it is the relationship with myself that I am most interested in healing and it brought me to such darkness in December.

With all of this self-care and self-love, how much of that work is done conditionally? How much of that is done with the pure intention and appreciation for the simple fact that we are alive and that is more than enough?

I have recently taken down my booking calendar for my healing sessions to answer some of these questions for myself. To allow my hands. my energy and my self to be loved unconditionally and to allow myself the opportunity to become aware of how I am conditional with my self-love.

When I experienced my spiritual awakening in 2017, I knew immediately that my hands could heal. When I say I knew I mean I knew without any doubt, I didn’t know what they were capable of but I knew they held an extraordinary power. I still believe this with every atom of my being. At that time however I wanted to get straight to work, to be of service as I thought the Universe would have wanted me to. I don’t think there was anything wrong with that desire, my intention was and is still pure, to be a light for each person I come across.

I believe that the self-care, the self-love and the shadow work goes much much deeper than what we have yet to become aware of. I find myself on this path now in which I am wanting to test these practices, furthermore testing myself as a healer, is it possible that if we are all self-healers that the most powerful way to be a light for others is to choose to not lend our light to anyone else? Just typing out the question challenges me in such a way that I feel my heart getting ready to open itself even more. To be clear, it is not that I do not have the desire to continue to serve my community with my gifts. To the contrary, it is that very desire that leads me to go further into the darkness within myself to find the answers and bring them to light.

Is it possible for us to really truly love ourselves unconditionally? Is it possible for us to be “selfish” with our light and thereby illuminate and heal others through our leadership, commitment to ourselves, perseverance and unrelenting loyalty to our collective? How often do we really allow ourselves the opportunity to surrender the approval of others to seek our truth and return to a victory, a successful mission that no longer is constricted by validation or the need to be seen as “good?” I will share with you first hand that underneath all of that is a deep rooted fear of being alone, a fear of not having any direction as to what may be the right path or purpose for our lives. Each time we dive into the shadow work, we pick up the pen and write more of our own story and it is my hope for each person who reads this that you will wake up to that awareness. Your purpose, how you perceive your life, no one can validate that for you. The sooner we each begin to love ourselves with less conditions, the less blocks we come across on our paths, we give way for joy, prosperity and we know that there isn’t a single day in which we are alone.

So what do we do with our hands if we aren’t laying them on another? We use them to CREATE. We create ourselves, free ourselves, we make an art out of living and that is more than enough. The light we radiate, our energy speaks for itself and it SPARKS a remembrance and that is what resonates with others.

Your aren’t responsible for validating your existence, the very fact that you are alive today needs no merit. Your life however? That is worthy of you recognizing its worth, value and it deserves every bit of your unconditional love and presence. I hope you will sit with that tonight and perhaps in the days to come as I invite you to observe the limits you place upon your care, wellbeing, worthiness and joy. Asking yourself, who could be more worthy than you to live your life? There is a consciousness that exists within you and that is not by accident.