I am THRILLED to share our new home with y’all!
This has been a dream of ours for a few years now and we are incredibly grateful to get to live here with our children, dogs, chickens and turtles!
Through this process of building a home (a literal dream!) I have learned so much about the manifesting process, but mostly about myself and my partner. I noticed how easy it is for us to have dreams and say “some day” but then not take the necessary action to turn the dream into a goal and make the steps to get there. Does anyone else feel like sometimes these things are better off as dreams because the journey to get there seems too overwhelming or nearly impossible?
If you would have asked us three years ago if we could even get a pre-approval for this house the answer most definitely would have been a NO. We were over $20,000 in credit card debt and living on one source of income. It’s certainly taken patience, consistency and as of late what I have noticed is acceptance.
It’s interesting how when we are going through it we don’t always catch the lessons until much later. Almost like that feeling when you are in an argument and don’t think of the perfect come back until its over. Well let me tell you that when you are manifesting you have to go through it with your conscious awareness, especially if you want it to come to fruition according to your intention.
That is what brings me to this current space that we find ourselves in, a place in which we’re in control and also not.
The process of having a house built has really highlighted how little control we have over others and with that has come with many feelings of frustration, anxiety, its brought up to the surface old feelings of scarcity, thoughts of unworthiness and it asks for more energy, more compassion, love, patience, belly laughs and most often in our case a welcome distraction of Pokemon Go and ice cream.
We always talk about the lighter side of manifesting like affirmations, worthiness, choosing our vibration. It’s easy to advise someone to “let it go” but is it really that easy? It is, but it also isn’t.
We went under contract for this home in February and then COVID was unleashed and building didn’t even begin until April with an expected move in date of September 1st. That date was then pushed back to September 30th, then the 9th, then lastly to the 13th. I laughed as I typed that but it hasn’t felt so fun or funny when we’ve had the majority of our things packed for weeks and you’ve been praying that you can hang in there just a little bit longer.
Maybe we go through lessons like this so that we can clearly see where our loyalties lie. In this space of uncertainty and discomfort I’ve had to look upon myself with love and upmost truth and it can feel painful to see ourselves when we’re anxious and pretending we’re not. It’s painful to feel like an outsider looking in when you can’t connect with your children because it feels too hard to stay tapped in. It’s even harder to understand why your parents were the way they were and having to make space for your inner child while going through all of this. But when you reach that final point, that moment where you realize you can still choose and then choose to let yourself go and feel all of it, no longer choosing to label the experience of yourself as good or bad simply true, thats when it gets real.
I’ll be honest with you, there were weeks in this process when I started choosing to focus my energy on how I would “be okay” with not getting into this house. There have been many opportunities for us to back out of our contract and ultimately we’ve decided we’re strong enough to see this through.
Home building y’all, lets just be thankful we don’t have to build houses ourselves like our ancestors did! We’ve signed so many amendments, we’ve made multiple texts to our realtor to have errors fixed and straight up asked the question over and over “how hard can it be to pay attention to detail?”
I have a feeling that question some day will come with an answer.
Well, we’re less than two weeks from our final walk through and closing date. And I’ve reached the point where I get to laugh with God and I could not be more grateful. Not only am I thankful that we will get to call this beautiful home OURS, but grateful to have myself through the process of letting go and moving on.
I am thankful to have gone through these lessons and have been on the same page as my partner, I am thankful that our children are resilient but also willing to dream this house with us and I cannot wait to hear the laughter, well mostly yelling they will do in this new house. I feel like I can already see the banister decorated for Winter, I can see our oldest daughter walking down the steps the morning she turns NINE the first of many birthdays to be celebrated in this house.
There have been many disappointments and setbacks but none of those are strong enough to overshadow the fact that I did have the power to get here. One thing I will say that those setbacks gifted me with is the importance of planning ahead and what can be controlled or planned for. Life certainly took me on a journey these seven months and she has shown me that it looks a lot different than a planner and cute motivational stickers. It is hilarious to me that even while I am still integrating the parts of myself that are ready to come home, I am simultaneously ready to start decorating and planning blog posts about that.
Welcome to a life of non-duality I suppose!
