It is difficult for me to sit and write today, not because I don’t have much to say but simply that I am experiencing a lot of pain and cannot sit still long enough to write for long. For this reason, I feel this may be left as an open conversation that we may expand upon as we progress on the journey.
I don’t know that I know a single person who has no pain whether it be physical or emotional and I’m not sure why I find that to be so strange considering most of my friends and even clients are generally millennials such as myself. Why does it feel that as a generation we have so much pressure on us that it has manifested as all kinds of pains and diseases? Even more than this ever-present pain is that for the most part we are expected to go about our everyday as if we aren’t in pain.
You would probably never guess this about me by looking at me but I also have experienced chronic pain that at times has been made worse after epidurals from child birthing (a whole other conversation!). Its interesting to me that as it relates to our generation carrying so much pain and discomfort we “carry it well” or should I say we’ve gotten ridiculously good at lying and hiding our pain. To a fault even because for nearly as many people as I’ve spoken to about pain just as many have said that they feel guilty for having to take it slow, rest and not get as much done on their to-do lists.
I strongly feel there has to be a way that we can begin to have more conversations about what our physical and emotional bodies are telling us without exploiting each others stories and truly root for each other to make progress on a journey that can at times feel hopeless, like we may never experience relief, let alone freedom from pain.
I am one those people who look for the lessons in everything, well I am now anyway. Had you asked me if I was at 23 going through some of the worst years in my physical pain I would’ve told you that I was alone in my pain and that I would always have to be taking narcotics and anti-inflammatories.
This weekend I have had one of the work nerve pain flare ups that I have had in quite a while. At first I wanted to ask for the pain to be taken away and when I found myself in that space I decided instead that I didn’t mind being aware of the pain but I didn’t want to walk alone in it. And you know what has happened? I’ve been getting little to no sleep tossing and turning but I have also gotten to know the selfless ways in which my partner will take care of everyone and everything in order for me to focus on my healing. That is a lesson in love.
I also learned that I could keep my promise to myself and not abandon myself. I haven’t fed myself any addictive thoughts or tried to distract myself from my pain attempting to ignore it.
When it comes to pain everyone has their own unique experience and lessons to be learned, certainly free of my judgement. I will ask however, accepting our pain isn’t always easy but if we choose to acknowledge its presence what do we have to learn?
However you are managing your pain today, I hope that you also experience moments of relief, peace and rest to keep you going.
