I posted a few polls on my Instagram stories over the passed week asking friends and followers a little about their plans for Thanksgiving, if they would be traveling to spend the day with family and if they even celebrated the holiday at all.
Thanksgiving, being the first big holiday since COVID that most people spend with their families, now a day which many will be spending on their own amongst many months of social distancing. Something that I have noticed however is that this holiday and those to follow can often feel very isolating whether you are with family or not. In past years, many people have felt like they had to mentality prepare themselves to be around their families and often had to silence themselves for the sake of their families.
While we can all agree that there was a great deal of performative activism this year, there are just as many who have chosen to speak up and have uncomfortable conversations with their families and people they care about. A lot of those people are now finding themselves without the same company during this holiday season.
I have for the most part feel like the isolation part of this year was not much of a challenge because as before mentioned, we don’t have family that lives near by. The closest relative we have is my husbands parents and we have not spoken to them since May, over miscommunications that resulted in us having to set boundaries and well, I don’t see us traveling for the holidays either. I think it’s a lot easier to set boundaries when you reach a point where they are essential to your wellbeing and not dependent on that persons role in your life. I do however, find it challenging to set boundaries with family or even friends when you still want them in your life but also need to be able to communicate truthfully. In my experience, it’s rare to be able to do so.
This year feels both easier to set boundaries and yet also more complex. On one aspect missing family and the joy of the traditional meals and gatherings that come with holidays and on another perspective still feeling like in order to have one need met then your voice or truth must be silenced.
I don’t know that I believe it has to be one or the other, black or white but certainly not as simple as saying we can “respectfully disagree.” However, taking into consideration that many, MANY families have either had a death in the family due to COVID or first hand experienced the illness, how will we rise above to BE grateful that we are still alive and therefore hope still exists for change and understanding?
We already ran a test run on Thankgiving turkey on the new smoker.
Sometimes separation is necessary to step away and gain clarity, find balance within but there is a difference between allowing for space to heal and casting people into the shadow because we are unwilling to face them in our truth and release our desire to control their perspective.
I find my own advice to be medicine this Thanksgiving, I am grateful that I can detach from relationships that aren’t healthy for me but I am also grateful for the people that I am attached to. Those whom I love, I don’t always agree with but ultimately I know that if today is all I have then I will always seek to understand them. If love and acceptance is the practice I have for myself then I will do my best to shine in that expression no matter the occasion and when a boundary is necessary I will honor it.
You don’t have to make excuses for anyones beliefs or behaviors, you don’t have to surround yourself with people who are toxic for you. But if you love them and you want to keep trying then keep your energy high and protected, you don’t have to try to make them understand you just keep being you. Be a mirror for the energy that you believe they have inside of them, patient, loving, grateful, accepting and safe.
I wish you a peaceful day of Gratitude if you celebrate and if you don’t nonetheless I hope for your happiness and strength in your truth.
