Unschooling, which for me is just a synonym for natural learning, is in everything. It’s not a thing that you have to figure out how to create. It’s a thing you own. It’s a thing you step into. It’s a thing you observe. It’s a thing you trust. -Akilah S. Richards
What a year to be discussing the topic of learning separate from the Public School System! For our family, this has been a lot of trial and error, however mostly in the department of self-trust. The ability to trust yourself is fundamental when it comes to unschooling and it wasn’t until COVID that I found the strength to do so.
My oldest child is Vivienne, she is by far my most assertive of the three. I knew right away that public school could not foster an environment that would allow her flourish and I wanted to send her to a Montessori school to begin her education. When kindergarten came around, the expense of the school was not something we were financially in a position to take on. And so, I decided to explore homeschooling. I say I because my husband was unsettled by the responsibility of homeschooling in the beginning and in many ways now is still embracing that children deserve autonomy over their lives and learning.
Our journey to unschooling has held many mistakes and I hope that by sharing this it will help others unload the weight that is easy to take on when it comes to learning outside of a school environment. To begin with, homeschooling did not work for us because I had the belief that I had to become a teacher and I simply had no idea how to take on that role. It was unnecessary pressure on myself and inevitably for Vivienne who hated worksheets and was not at all interested in sitting down to read, to be perfectly honest she still doesn’t care much for reading. We went back and forth with each other for Kindergarten and first grade homeschooling, I felt like I was failing her and it was a huge strain on our relationship.
By the time she was ready to reach Second grade she still was not reading consistently and since our finances had improved and were stable we all agreed to enroll Vivienne in a Montessori school. It was everything we hoped it would be! Viv quickly began reading, she made friends, it granted me the space to free myself from the responsibility of educating her and gave me more room to connect with my younger two children Ollie and Vida who was only months old. I felt like things were finally clicking, I got to experience being a parent who went to their child’s field trips and teacher conferences and towards the end of the school year I was able to enjoy the Valentine’s breakfast they put on for parents. We only participated in one year of schooling but that year brought us all healing.
Then suddenly, it felt like we were thrown back into our old roles, the house became filled with stress and online assignments. As a family we had to link together and anchor into our love for each other and as parents we had to model the stability and leadership our children naturally look to us for. Looking back now, that is truthfully the only thing I’ve ever really had to do as a “teacher” for them was to realize my strength and let them feel that safety.
The truth was that I was distracted by who I thought I had to be and my fear was that I would let my daughter down. This fear was rooted in my own childhood experiences, I let that penetrate my motherhood and my leadership. While these fears are still being tended to, letting go of schooling been my surrender into the vast possibilities of what learning can be. Most importantly, the possibilities of who my children will choose to be.
I think that the fear with Unschooling is that there is no structure and you’re just winging it. If there is anything that life has taught us throughout this ongoing pandemic, is that we must be secure in ourselves enough to learn as we go when there is no routine or plan.
First and foremost, I want my children’s faith in themselves be the foundation upon which they build a beautiful, joy filled life. Self-trust has to be the New Normal. When has public education ever taught that? If we were raised to be obedient and then the system in which you grow up in teaches you to be obedient, then that becomes part of your identity and that is a system that I believe to be dying. I choose life for myself and for my children.
The structure now gets to be defined by us as a family and then also by the children as beings who are being raised to recognize their Sovereignty and people who deserve autonomy over their lives.
At the moment, Unschooling may appear to be chaos as we are all still dreaming and exploring interests. The beauty of the chaos being that I am very familiar with it and I can endure it enough to see my kids through. This life long journey of learning the children are experiencing their parents evolve as their own Sovereign beings, witnessing how we regulate ourselves, how we respond to stress and uncertainty. They are learning what friendship can be outside of school and birthday parties or play dates.
Thats the thing, they are always learning, its what they do! But it’s not just children, it’s all of us as humanity, we are always learning, adapting and using our creativity to find new ways of being. This journey is not just about them, us as parents as well, we are learning so much about ourselves by witnessing their growth and how they perceive their reality. I say it often, they are three of my life’s greatest teachers. I heal myself when I recognize the lessons they have to offer and in turn I remove wounding and fear from blocking the way to allow myself to be who they we both need.
Unschooling for us is simply removing the walls of a classroom, the filtered information and agenda of the prescribed topics that have never met the needs of an inclusive world. To us, this now becomes a life journey that is not embarked upon after high school or college but right now, in the moment.
